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Anagapesis

Bailey Maholm
Feb 19, 2018
2 min read

Day 15: Anagapesis

Okay. Hard one.

.................

Here we go.

Anagapesis

1. Falling out of love; the feeling of not loving someone or something once loved.

Lord only knows why I chose this word, and why it decided to land on a time when I'm going through some serious heart hurt.

Here's the thing- I've fallen out of love before.

Yes. I know what it's like to love someone, and to no longer have those feelings for them, and to be totally okay with that. Whether that person is a friend, or more than a friend, there can come a time when the feelings you once had for that person are gone. You're able to move on and explore love in new places. Experience love in different forms. And it's so beautiful and incredible and you feel ALIVE.

However, that's unfortunately not how I'm feeling right now.

I know that I will eventually be okay with the situation I'm in, and that I'll come to truly know and understand why the person I love is no longer in my life, but at this point it is extremely hard to see myself going through an anagapesis with the one I love.

We aren't together anymore.

I know that.

I'm living that reality.

Boy does it suck. (very eloquent I know)

But at this point in my life I have to trust that God has a plan for both of us, and that our mutual separation is going to be beautiful in the end.

Right now? I still love him......intensely.

Right now I'm struggling to see God's plan.

Right now I'm hurting deeply.

Right now I'm confused.

Right now I have to TRUST.

Right now I have to have faith.

Right now I need to love everyone around me with more love than I have ever loved before.