Take it All.
- Bailey Maholm
- Jul 25, 2018
- 2 min read
Whole heart.
Today, my prayer is for a whole heart.
No longer giving little shreds of my heart to our Lord and Savior.
No longer saying:
Here Jesus- take the part of me that I believe is worthy.
Take my loud singing voice.
Take my joy and fervent spirit.
Take me when I'm proud of the work you have done on my soul
Wait, Jesus no! You can't see the parts of my heart that are weary.
I look at the sick and frail parts of my diseased body and recoil when you try and repair them.
I look at the depression that often seeps into my pores and renders me incapable of movement and I say "NO JESUS YOU CANNOT SEE THESE DARK PARTS".
I look at my persistently wrecked self-image and tell my Lord that he cannot have access to this piece of me that is broken.
Seemingly irreparable because it has been so long since the pieces have been whole.
Why?
Why do I constantly find myself hiding the parts of myself that the Lord can have the biggest impact on?
Of course he is good, and he is always increasing the joy I currently have.
He is always giving me more of a passion for worship.
He can always make me proud of the work he's done.
But how am I supposed to increase my humble heart in love when it is constantly afflicted by the turmoil I allow the demons of the world to stroke?
How am I supposed to go deeper in my love for the Father when I refuse to let him heal my body and soul?
How am I supposed to promote miracles when I only ever accept "offering up" my suffering for those who I deem more broken than myself?
How can I say that the Lord is able to heal the depressive heart of those I love, but I will not allow him a window into that part of myself?
I am constantly interceding for the dark hearts of others, but I never let the Lord into the dark parts of my own heart.
Jesus you don't give your heart in pieces, so why do I?
Take it all.
Take it all.
I believe Jesus that you have the ability to not only heal the shrouded souls of those I love, but you can shed light on mine just the same.
I will continue to offer up what I'm going through.
I will continue to believe in the miraculous transformation of all the people of this beautiful earth,
but this time I will start believing that you can achieve transformation in me too. .
With Love Always,
Bailey
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